“The Magic Sound of a Mother's Heart,,
- Pia
- Jan 23
- 4 min read
We spent two years in a city far from my family and friends, alone during the day and with Mutlu in the evenings with my son Güneş. I have more support in Venus, my aunt is with me. Still, I take care of the general needs and care of my children completely by myself. Just as there are good aspects of support, there were also good aspects of loneliness. I started to follow, listen to myself, Him and this path and act accordingly. My heart said different things than what people said in most places and I listened. Over time, I discover how much I can focus on the right things. The best advice I can give you on this leadership journey with your baby is this: follow yourself, Him and the path and listen to what they tell you.
I say “the magic voice in the mother’s heart” but I am actually talking about the empathic relationship between the mother, father and baby. Our bodies also prepare us perfectly for this communication hormonally and neurologically. We are often battered by life conditions, stress and rush. Then we worry, “My child is not listening to me, he/she is not seeing me.” However, we often turn a deaf ear to ourselves.
Why should I listen to my inner voice?
Many people want to share their knowledge and experience with you since pregnancy. This includes scientific information as well as completely fabricated information. And of course there is Instagram. We constantly send each other information, some of which is incredibly wrong and some of which may be partially true. The beautiful and most troubling outcome of our age is the abundance of unsourced information.
There is one thing you should remember: 'Every baby is different and every mother is different.' Comparing children, opportunities, talents and negativities only takes you backwards. Everyone should focus on their own unique journey.
For example, the book says that children's muscles can reach the maturity required for toilet training after 18 months. However, toilet training takes different times depending on each child's communication, gross motor and fine motor skills. Rushing, insisting, and embarrassing them can make them feel insecure throughout their lives.
While nature gives us so much support, all we have to do is listen to it, the path and ourselves… What you observe and learn will draw you a wonderful direction in light of what you have learned. Of course, making the time you spend together quality and taking care of it as much as possible as a mother or father will increase this communication. Although this may seem like something magical, it is also possible to read neurological and physiological evidence in research.
Research shows that the brains of individuals who care for children and communicate with them physically and emotionally differentiate neurologically, which is one of the miracles that nature offers for the healthy development of children.
Moreover, many of the changes seen in the mother's brain are also seen in the father through physical communication and bonding.
After becoming a father, empathy increases.
According to research published in the journal Cerebral Cortex, a University of Oxford publication, after men become fathers, the visual network in their brains shrinks, while the network responsible for empathy, memory, and future thinking (the default mode network) grows. In the study conducted on 17 childless men and 20 prospective fathers, no changes were seen in the childless men and prospective fathers, while changes in the fathers, called neuroplasticity, which includes the brain's ability to establish new connections and pathways and change existing ones, were observed after birth. Researcher Darby Saxbe said the following on the subject: "Our research and learning about neuroplasticity continues. However, there is evidence that the brain changes and grows when we develop a new skill, such as learning a musical instrument, or during periods such as early childhood and adolescence."
The change in the mother begins during pregnancy.
According to a study published in the UK-based journal Nature Communications, the structure of the female brain is changed by hormones secreted during pregnancy. The release of the female sex hormone estradiol peaks in the third trimester of pregnancy. As a result of this hormonal change, expectant mothers are more likely to engage in certain maternal behaviors, such as bonding with their babies and preparing their homes for the baby. In the study, 40 women are monitored during the prenatal, perinatal and postnatal periods. While the white matter (the area where fibers that enable communication between neurons are located) in the brains of pregnant women does not change, there is a decrease in the gray matter (the area where neuron cells are located and mental activities develop). Dr. Andrew Hoekzema, who works in Boston, USA, explains this change as follows: "We can define these changes as the brain eliminating certain connections between brain cells in order to encourage new connections. In this way, people can focus on new and specific behaviors, such as looking after a baby."
Changes in brain volume and brain chemistry
The most important change seen in the brains of mothers and fathers after becoming parents is the increase in brain volume. This change is especially observed in the hippocampus, the memory center; the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, analysis and behavior; and the amygdala, which manages emotional areas such as fear, anxiety, anger and worry. For example, the increase in amygdala activity seen in stressful situations such as a crying baby increases the parents' ability to cope with stress and triggers behaviors such as attention and care. The increase in activity seen in the anterior cingulate cortex together with the prefrontal cortex allows parents to empathize and act by understanding their children's needs.
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